You know...

I just want to draw pictures and have people like them but not tell me they like them but just know they like them secretly and then I get paid for it and because of that money I can afford to draw really neat and interesting pictures and everyone is happy children ladies parents moondogs and especially me.

Sometimes.

Sometimes I log in and log out of different social networks, facebook and gmail and twitter. I don't know what I'm looking for, but it seems like the conversation has gone stale. There is no intrique, no new things to see, and it feels like everything that was nicely jumbled up and interesting has settled. That's the worst, isn't it? Settling. I've always hated that-- in relationships, in friends, in fights.

Sometimes I think my friends are settling with what they have, but then I just wonder if I don't understand what they see in people, or jobs, or themselves. I wonder if the people that do well in life are the ones who are never satisfied. But that as well doesn't sound like a good time. Who wants to battle with never feeling full or happy with what you have? I don't know. I just don't want things to be predictable. I wonder if that is what they mean by habit. Maybe I'm learning people's habits, even on a white computer screen. These are stupid questions, really. Who gives a damn.

My friend Alison says you can't say the word scooter without slightly smiling.

Because.

So reminder to self, make a list of things you want to do on your actual first real vacation in 3 years. I know I know, it is only a week off from work, but IT IS A REAL VACATION! So:

Waterville roche de bouef.
Singing Fountains in Grand Haven, Mi.
That t shirt place in Grand Rapids, Oh.
That scary reformatory in Mansfield, Oh.
That delicious chocolate shoppe in " "
Gram's grave.

See? See how I do? I just brought all that down. Just by saying the word GRAVE. Also, an interjection, but my keyboard is immensely sticky. I find this to be glorious and funny and gross at the same time. But, I return from my digression, to say I think I need to talk to Gram. I watched a movie called The Savages which was supposed to be some dark comedy but just ended up being dark and horrible but at least thought provoking. It was about nursing homes.

Laura Linney makes me want to kill myself.

I've had a bottle of maple syrup on my desk for about 2 months now. I haven't used it in that time, as far as I can remember. I was going through a really stiff French toast era, and I'm pretty sure it ended. Someone told me to do powdered sugar and maple syrup, but that sounded like a bunch of glarp with whitish mess. That is like pouring sugar on top of your ice cream cone.

One of my friends started smoking again. I want to say something, and I just casually asked if they had started full time on this, but I didn't feel it my place to pursue the matter. I guess people are old enough to make their decisions and they should realize its just a slow steady movement toward lung cancer. I saw enough of that working in the cancer clinic and I couldn't legitimately keep smoking after seeing people's hair fall out, or their desperation to breathe normally in a day. It wasn't easy to quit, but its doable. It will be three years since my last cigarette in September I believe. Oddly enough I still get cravings and today when a rain storm began during the afternoon, I wanted to go down to the porch and sit there while the rain fell around me but not upon me and breathe in that dirty tobacco dust. Just a passing want.

I'm getting old, you know.

Fun at my friend's away from the computer expense.

Michelle: wanna be on top? na nana na na

15 minutes later.

Michelle: you lose. this is tyra banks. i'm using michelle's computer and wanted to know if you wanted to be on top. obviously you don't. smile with your eyes, tyra.

Chemotherapy Will Make You Grow.

My friend found out this week she has thyroid cancer. She's going to have to have an operation to have a chunk of golf ball sized cancer taken out of her neck and then has to follow it with chemo. The chemo that thyroid patients take basically makes them radioactive. So much to the point that sitting down on a toilet after she's used it could fizzle your fallopian tubes. I'm trying to cheer her up about it.

Michelle: yeah you might be radioactive.

Michelle: you probably will be. its not a big deal, just can't exactly sleep in the same bed with a child. probably a good thing.

Erin: lol right

Erin: i went to the oncologist today and he was like oh yeah you will be radioactive for sure

Michelle: yeah. for thyroid especially.

Erin: the nodule on my thyroid is like golf ball lol nice i suck

Michelle: make sure you flush when you peeeee

Michelle: turn out the lights and watch the bowl glow

Michelle: TO THE EXTREME I ROCK A MIC LIKE A VANDAL!

Erin: lol i wonder about my pets tho

Michelle: you can scream that whenever someone asks you something

Erin: and how come i have to stay away from people yet im fine

Michelle: because you have the power, much like he-man
Michelle: its the power of greyskull.

Michelle: ok?

Michelle: i didnt want to tell you, but i guess i should. they are injecting the power of greyskull in you.

Erin: yesssss

Michelle: you should buy a sword right about now.

Michelle: because you're going to have to use it, to kill terrorists.

Erin: am i going to be the next hiroshima?

Michelle: are you planning any trips to north korea I should know about?

We Gonna Get Funky. Funky. Funky. Funky.

I think a massive all inclusive world study should be put out on that line dance, where the guy screams, "REVERSE REVERSE! REVERSE REVERSE! Every, body, clap your hands!" Can you resist? Are you clapping your hands mentally right now?

What is it with that song. That guy is a fucking MILLIONAIRE. That song, as much as we would like to call it irritating, is encapsulating to the entire soul. It makes you want to at least LOOK at the dance floor even if you aren't on the dance floor. You want to see if people do the dance right. I mean, its as easy as stomping and crossing your legs, but people still mess it up.

You would think after it being out for 39457839485739 years that everyone would know it, but I still see people get on the dance floor and stand in the middle of the box like formation of people and look confused. Anyway, I think this dance has some kind of secret grey alien or masons type thing which controls the mind. I'm just glad I haven't been found within the clutches of that evil song, out on the dance floor.

alicia: so a blonde and a jewish man enter a bar

alicia: the jewish man orders a long island iced tea and the blonde orders nothing

alicia: finish the joke

michelle: the blonde dies

michelle: the end.

michelle: well, it made me laugh

alicia: that is acceptable

michelle: no wait wait wait

michelle: "the blonde lays her head on the bar and dies"

alicia: haha

michelle: you don't want to order anything when you are dying.