UUUUUUUUUGH

Things get better, things get worse, things get better, things get worse.

I just turned the t.v. on and Everybody Loves Raymond was on. Worse.

I'm really tired of the worse. I need to find the way out pretty quickly.

I thought for a second that I was...getting in a better way?...but maybe I was wrong. But you know, if you "give it up" (well 50% up) as I've said, people lose respect for you. I guess I was just the chase. Now that it is over, I feel a little bit used? Maybe I'm wrong. It just isn't how I operate. I like something more. I have never been good at this whole lady intrigue thing. Is it over? I don't know.

I spoke with my professor today and he told me I'm between a B+ and an A-. I wanted to barf when I heard that. I had a really good talk with him and he is quite an interesting man. Surely one of those people you can sit and listen to for hours. He told me I need to start reading things like the New York Post. I was like, HUH? But I guess my writing style needs to develop. Now I understand this, and I know this. I worry that maybe I've chosen the wrong path for myself yet again. I know I probably should have gone into art, but bygones are bygones, and my mother said to me that I can't blame my parents for not going into art.

On the contrary, I can, because her memory is selective when it comes to the past and how they treated me. Ah well. Bygones.

I just worry a lot about the future, even though I am already in the future, and I definitely can't go backward.