Listen.

The wind is every now and then blowing my curtains toward me. Although fall is officially a few days away, the night coolness has been reminding me of the changing of season. I feel like the older I get, the more aware I am of it. Sometimes I have the though to do a video project where I ask people in the hottest of days if they wish it were winter, and also in the coldest of winter if they wish it were summer.

I stay up late because I don't want to go to sleep, that very childlike want to stay up as late as possible despite drooping eyelids and the tiredness of next day. I dragged through the last three days of work, too many hours in the day devoted to work and then not sleeping. It wasn't as if I accomplished much at night, I just didn't want to rest.

I haven't been sleeping well anyway, so it seems pointless to try to do so. I don't know that laying my head on the pillow would change the fact that though I do sleep, I feel the quality of sleep isn't good enough to sustain my energy through the day. I wonder if my change in diet, though better for me, is somehow affecting me detrimentally. I wouldn't think it would be possible, but hey, anything is these days.

Tonight I went and saw some bands play, especially I was waiting for my friends The Retrospectres, and of course, I was blown away by their talent. I felt a mom-like grin on my face, and in my head I kept thinking how I love these boys. Two of them in their forties, but still my boys. Then some girl I only partially recognized came up to me with two somewhat known friends, and they started dancing up front all around, though I was only trying to enjoy the show. I smiled and directed my eyes back up front, trying to ignore their movements. I don't feel like dancing with one's back to the band is nice, that just seems disrespectful. Perhaps it almost seems like redirecting the attention toward themselves. When the mostly unknown girl tried dancing with me, I pointedly looked at my beer which was empty and make the pretense to go get another. On the way, mid through the song, I walked right past the bar and to my car, driving home.

Something about that set me unhappy, though I was smiling through most of the band's set. Oh well, I can be like that, just the odd girl out who doesn't understand the "sexy dance" that girls sometimes do, which to me looks like little girls aping an attempt at being women. That isn't meant to be harsh, I just don't understand it.