It is 2.10am and I closed my eyes for a little bit to feel the night and it felt like daytime again. Sometimes when you are so tired, you can almost convince your body that you are in a different place and different time. I suppose that is called dreaming.
I am closing my eyes again and pretending my windows are open and it is summertime. I can smell the air, the clean smell of the wind and the dirty metal smell of the screen combined, the toxic beauty of it that I can never get enough of. With rain showers and the drips that come off the awnings right near my windows, the pooling smell of rain on warmed cement is so distant in this winter. I can remember it, but I can't exactly remember the feel of it.
I miss some friends recently. I miss the ability to make friendships again. I feel like it is harder to become friends with someone now then when I was younger. Someone once said (probably the radio) that the reason for this is that our youth is full of dreams we are able to share with our friends. So does that mean all my dreams and urges and wants are dried up with my age? I hope not. I just have such a demand for quick understanding that doesn't involve the need to discuss. What I mean is, know who I am now without a handbook. How I got here. I don't want the extra explanation with why I like the smell of basil or why feet rubbing along carpet makes a shudder go up my back.
Isn't this only 2 months away?
